As of this moment, there are 15 days left in the calendar year but my new year has actually already begun and no, it's not because I go by the lunar calendar, fool. I guess I'm gauging my life by when I moved out on my own. In many ways, this past year forced me to be a big boy real quick. Oddly enough, it all coincided with when I moved into my new place.

Without getting into the meticulous details, I'll just say that it's been a fantastical year. Granted, there were a few bumps in the road but the road to awesome is treacherous. That's why not everyone gets there. Everyone can but not everyone will. If it were easy to get to, you wouldn't need to constantly improve things like perseverence and character. It's a shame but it's also a fact. Write that down... or copy and paste that.

Needless to say, the end of my year came to a surprising end where I found myself questioning everything about myself. I began going back to what I was before I first started and I started getting frustrated and angry which is generally my first reaction. My November was filled with these sort of emotions and the more I thought about it, the more I became enveloped in it.

One morning last week, my moment of clarity came in the shower which seems to be where I am most genius. (Please keep all comments to yourselves, freaks.)

I've come to the personal conclusion that my life is a poker game. For the past year, I was running off gut instinct and rolling with it. As a result, I'd been able to win both good and bad hands. I never really thought about anything, I just played. As with any player, the more I learned about strategy and logic, the more I became confused. I started folding hands I shouldn't. I was losing hands I should've folded. As my stack got smaller and smaller, I started to freak out.

When I'm actually playing cards, I'll take a break when I catch myself feeling this way. I walk away for a moment. I calm down. I clear my head and I sit down to play.

Way I see it, my opponent got to me and I had to calm down before I could open up a can of whup-ass. So I've gone back to playing with what I know and what I believe. Stronger than before. Always stronger.

I feel refreshed and great about what lays ahead.

So to you, 2009, I raise my glass.

Cheers.

By the way, when I get married, don't be surprised if you see this parked in front of the church.

Right. Well, it's been well over 3 months since my last post and I agree that I've neglected this long enough. Even though it's been a rather uneventful few months, there's still a few things to note.

1. I'm still a jackass. - I don't mind being a jackass but I've tried to become more considerate... for a jackass. Without going into detail, it had come to my attention that I do need to be more considerate and understanding, regardless of whether I'm right or wrong. I will say that it's far better to have friends than holding onto that foolish pride of being right.

2. I'm now a 30 year old jackass. - Yes, yes, I've crossed yet another decade threshold from late 20s to early 30s. Yet, I still buy toys and comic books. I watch cartoons and play video games. I like to draw Batman and X-Men. I confess that getting older is a bit overwhelming but I've come to terms with it, mainly because of my brother's credo: "I think like I'm 12. I act like I'm 8 and I eat like I'm 4." I'm not worried about getting older as much as I am concerned with how fast time is moving.

3. Don't look down, jackass. - The last few months have been mentally tiring and more fear had crept into my heart. Since last November, I've been running forward on pure instinct and faith that tomorrow will be awesome. The thing is, these last few months have brought me to almost a halt. Reason being, I now know more which has crippled me with doubt. I began questioning my desires and my means. Despite that I'd been holding it down for almost a year, I began to think that maybe I couldn't hack it. Looking down made me scared in that if I fell, it'd be horrific. I've been able to regain sight of my line and don't mind looking back once in a while to spot check myself. Apparently all I needed was to be reminded that I can do it since I've "been doing it for a while now, dummy."

4. I dominate, jackass. - My manager and co-workers showed me this clip that reminded them of me. While funny, I don't see it. Here's one of my favorite lines: "Finally found a tough card game against a solid player then I realized that I was playing solitaire."

Last time, we had Ernie Halter getting down on a laundry machine singing Ain't No Sunshine. This episode, we've got Yuri Lane beatboxing with a harmonica.

Now, get funky.

I had an enlightening weekend, as far as public perception of me goes.

I guess I hadn't realized that, in many respects, I live in something of a bubble when it comes to my usual day to day life. Because I’d grown accustomed to living the davekim lifestyle, I’d forgotten the davekim lifestyle and thought processes differ from what many people seem to think and believe.

Apparently, I’m sometimes perceived to be a liar.

The funny thing with extraordinary things happening to people is that we tend to believe a story to be true if the extraordinary thing that happened was extraordinarily bad. On the flip side, if the extraordinary thing that happened was extraordinary good it makes it tough to believe. Because of my penchant for the crazy, I’ve gotten to experience the crazy firsthand. Some good. Some bad. For example, I have a friend who got to know a girl with one hand. By “got to know,” I mean it in the biblical sense. This story eventually escalated, via rumor, into a story where my friend got to know a girl who was mentally disabled. The odd thing is that many people actually believed the latter. Now had he gotten to know a model or actress, no one would believe it and would call bullshit.

In other words, it’s easy to believe that I was attacked and crapped on by hundreds of pigeons but no way in H E double hockey sticks* would that hot chick find me attractive and interesting.

* Sorry about that, I happen to think that when people say, “H E double hockey sticks,” it’s fucking hilarious.

More often than not, I’m perceived as a lunatic.

Without going into too much detail, I had come to the conclusion that the only sane response that I could give to the crazy that I’d come to know was that of insanity. Let’s face it, it really looks like this world has fucking lost it. I’ve reprioritized my life and revalued everything in it and now everything’s coming up davekim. My two biggest stresses last month were: (1) I made too much macaroni and how will I eat it all and (2) should I do laundry now or go to Walmart? Not to brag but I haven’t been this happy ever. I do think the grass is greener over here and it’s great for taking naps and I’d love to have more folks on this side of crazy. Unfortunately, it seems that the price is being called a liar and lunatic.

In unrelated news, the most important lesson learned this weekend is this:

Never allow the phrase “ex-girlfriend” to ever escape your lips when speaking to a lady.

You might as well sneeze in her eye.

Here's his rendition of Bill Wither's "Ain't No Sunshine" on a washing machine. That's right. Washing machine.

Now, get funky.

I know. I didn't think it was funny either when I thought of it but, to be fair, it seemed to be an appropriate title.

With one of my closest friends turning 30 in a few days, I realized through my Batman detective skills that I'll be 30 in a few months too.

Does turning 30 bother me? I'd be lying if I said that it didn't. So instead of looking back and regretting over the things I didn't do or didn't do better, I thought that I'd look forward to and plan for what I need and want to get done. So that on that day, I can raise my arms and proclaim the awesome that I am.

The thing is I have general ideas and mini objectives but I don't have a solid goal. So that'll be part 2 then (although I hadn't intended for this to become the Matrix sequels). At the latest, I'll have that up soon enough.

Amidst all my preparations and planning, I thought to myself, I wonder what the internet tarot stars have in store for me? Here's what I found.

Your Present Position in the World
Page of Wands: This card represents courage and beauty, a quickness to love as well as anger. A carrier of tidings and information.

Your Goals for the Next Year
Seven of Cups: Deception, an overactive imagination, and the illusion of success. Strengths are not consolidated to work as one.

That Which Empowers You
Five of Cups Reversed: Joy and happiness resurface. New friends and relationships are born. Old friends and loved ones return.

Powers You Need to Develop
The Devil: This card represents the dark forces in the world, misuse of power, depression and addiction to the material world.

Your Present Material Self
Page of Cups: New business opportunities arise. An overactive imagination.

Your Present Emotional State
Four of Cups Reversed: Awakening from a sedate period. New relationships, goals and ventures are possible.

Your Present Spiritual Self
Seven of Swords: Plans may fail. Distrust and dishonesty are possible. Success will not be complete.

That Which Opposes You
Seven of Pentacles: A lull in the growth of ventures. Speculation may not be wise at this time. Success may not be known.

What You Need to Do to Realize Your Goals
The Queen of Wands Reversed: Vengence and domination, possibly unfaithfulness and deceit.

In other words?

You've got what it takes. Now get to work, fool.

Word.

Don't get me wrong, a lot has happened since my last post way back in... egads, November 2008?! Apologies all around then. The thing is, every time I thought about posting, something got in the way. Now, I'm not discounting the past few months as if all I did was bum on my couch playing Fallout 3 (which I did for some of those days but that's not the point.) I was, like everyone else, busy and exhausted. And that's when it hit me.

I am not nor do I want to be like everyone else. After everything I've fought for and struggled with, I had fallen into complacency from being tired. I thought I deserved a long overdue break. I was wrong.

So to up my accountability to myself, I've joined Twitter, as well, to keep up-to-date with... well, everything really. I've always prided myself on my time management abilities. Time to prove it over and over again until I'm there physically, mentally and spiritually.

Way I figure, if I say it, I've got to do it. End of story.

I'm still tired... but I'd rather be awesome instead.

Last week, a 19 year old kid broadcast himself overdosing on drugs on Justin.tv, a web video service. Apparently, this went on for 12 hours while hundreds of people watched. Some encouraged him to do it while others contacted the county sheriff’s department. The man’s death was confirmed by the county medical examiner’s office after deputies broke into his room and discovered his body.

“This will undoubtedly raise questions about the power of web video and whether its voyeuristic nature can go too far.” Greg Sandoval from cnet.com

Really? That’s what we’re concerned about? The power of web video and whether its voyeuristic nature can go too far? It’s common knowledge that web video is indeed powerful and of course, its voyeuristic nature can go too far. That’s like blaming Grand Theft Auto for someone who decides to go carjacking. Is this something we really need to raise questions about?

I’d like to first address something about web video:

If it’s been put out on the internet, someone wants you to watch it. I won’t go into purpose or intention right now since it could go either way but the fact of the matter is, someone wants it to be seen. This kid wanted someone to watch him kill himself.

Here’s the thing. Not only did some one watch, hundreds watched.

Hundreds of people watched someone kill himself for 12 hours.

Not only did hundreds watch, some people encouraged him to go through with it.

If you encouraged him to kill himself, I wish you congratulations. You’ve now graduated to the same status as monkey pubic lice. You are held responsible for his death because you helped in making it happen.

If you watched and did nothing, fear not, friend. You graduated Valedictorian and have been given the same status as the fecal matter of monkey pubic lice. You are held responsible for his death because you sat by and allowed his death to happen.

Now, I realize that not everyone encouraged the kid to kill himself or sat by and did nothing. To those that called the police to help the kid, kudos. Although it saddens me to think that we need to praise people for doing the right thing. It does remind me of the Chris Rock bit:

“I take care of my kids.” “You’re supposed to, you dumb motherf@%#er! What are you bragging about?!”

“I ain’t never been to jail.” “What? You want a cookie?!”

Regardless, you did the right thing and I’m glad you at the least tried. You also strike me as the type of person who helps those in need because they’re in need. In that sense, I’m trying to be more like you.

I guess when it comes down to it, the issue is simple.

We owe it to each other to help each other.

By choosing to be a part of this society, there are certain social responsibilities that we hold and are accountable for. For example, a neighborhood doesn’t suddenly turn dangerous. The people in that neighborhood have to allow that to happen. Please note that I used the words, “choose” and “allow.” We choose to be a part of this society. By staying, that is your decision. It really is as simple as that. (I won’t say it’s easy but something being easy relative to something being simple is a can of worms we can save for another time.)

I constantly hear references to the “good old days” and I see what was good about them. It was a time when people cared about others. The thing that gives me hope is that I still see the “good old days” today. I see it in people who hold the door for one another. I see it in people who help others carry heavy objects. I see it when people smile and say good morning to total strangers.

In the aftermath of 9/11, we bore witness to a people coming together to help in every capacity imaginable. There was a spirit that shined through the eyes of everyone who helped and we saw how strong we truly were in what was one of our darkest hours. We saw that same spirit return with Hurricane Katrina. I look around today and still see that need. Is a major catastrophe necessary for us to come together? Granted that’s when we do but if we could carry that same spirit to ordinary everyday life, how much better could we be?

I’m not saying that we need to join hands and sing Kumbaya, as nice as that would be.

I’m just saying please don’t let the door slam in my face when I know you saw me coming from behind you.

I believe in Barack Obama.

We live in a time where it's become difficult to believe in something, let alone someone. The second we turn on the news, we see stories about how people are losing jobs, how the economy is suffering, etc. Lately, we've been seeing a great deal of coverage about two men in particular, John McCain and Barack Obama. Two men who are both leaders and politicians.

Let's distiniguish, for a moment, the difference between a politician and a leader. Dictionary.com defines politician as: a person who is active in party politics; a seeker or holder of public office, who is more concerned about winning favor or retaining power than about maintaining principles. I might need to take a shower after having read that definition. The definition of a leader is obvious, it's someone who leads. It's the underlying in this definition that's a little vague.

I want someone who'll make decisions for our good rather than his own. I want someone who'll say and do things that we won't like but desperately need. I want someone who'll tell me the truth, for better or worse. I want someone who's willing to spill his blood in this same mud and has been doing so for longer than I have and will continue to do so when I can go no further. The thing is, I no longer want these things. I demand them.

It's become obvious that we need a leader more than ever.

Isn't this our right?

Our laziness and complacency has convinced us that we'll take what we can get. (I'll definitely be talking about this at a later date.) I don't want policies. I want truth. I demand that a leader steps forward. As an American, native-born or immigrant, a human being, it's our right to a leader that will exist for our needs and our good. It is our right to a leader who will walk amongst us and ask us to work together for what it ours. JFK once asked us "not what can our country do for us but what we can do for our country." The time has changed but the need has risen again.

We're facing relatively dismal times. Our economy is suffering. The market is doing horribly. People are losing jobs. People are losing lives needlessly. The Chicago Cubs can't make it past the first round in the playoffs.

Neither man, McCain or Obama, will solve these things for us nor should we ask them to. We are both capable and competent to fix these things ourselves. We're demanding for someone to stretch our vision. We're demanding for someone to lead us to the light at the end of this tunnel. We're demanding hope.

I said it before and I'll say it again.

I believe in Barack Obama.